The benefits of being flexible

No, not that kind of flexible (which being a middle-aged man, I’m not).  I’m talking about the kind of flexible where you don’t get overly fixated on one particular plan.  In other words, the ability to go with the flow.  And to do it without actually being directionless.  I happen to be someone who doesn’t usually freak out when plans change.  And when it comes to my love life, I actually embrace it.  I find that it means more adventure, more intimacy, more intensity, more variety, and an ever better connection with my lover.   Maybe another way to put it is that I keep my eye on the long term.  There are an infinite number of paths to get there, all with their own joys and pleasures.  And I don’t care which path is explored on any given day.  I’m always moving to where I want to be, and taking in those joys and pleasures along the way.

The Fine (lost?) Art of Girl-Watching

One of my favorite past-times is “girl watching”.  While I believe all men (and I expect women) engage in this practice, changes in our lifestyle have caused some of the “art” to go out of it.  This is definitely not a change for the better.

I engage in girl watching all the time, alone or with one of my favorite partners (either my BFF, or my lover), but for some reason it really has been on my mind a lot this summer.  Perhaps that’s because my BFF has spent the summer insisting that we meet in the very best spots for girl watching rather than necessarily choosing based on the quality of food or other useful characteristics.  Or perhaps it is because my lover and I like to keep each other amused with messages about the hotter women we spot (or, sadly, about how so many women let “frumpy” take over their lives).  In any case, I’ve been doing a lot of girl watching and realized just how un-productive it has become (even ignoring the one time my BFF and I lucked out and tried a mediocre restaurant that just happened to have some women playing beach volleyball next to it).

What do I mean by unproductive?  Well, anyone who has worked in the downtown area of a major city (think New York or Chicago) and now works in a suburban office park understands.  If you’ve ever worked someplace like Wall Street then you know all you have to do at lunch time is stand outside the front of your office building and a parade of lovelies that rivals the Miss America pageant will, well, parade on by.  In 30 minutes you get to gaze at dozens, if not hundreds, of women dressed to the hilt.  Not a one would be caught dead in flats (unless they are on their way home, but that is a subtlety that only those in the know understand).  All of them trying to look their best without crossing some imaginary line of being “too sexy at work”.  And somehow, perhaps because they all put so much effort into looking good,  they seemingly all did.   And so, instead of partaking of all the fine restaurants nearby we would snarf down a sandwich at our desks then wander downstairs for the sightseeing.  By we I am talking about millions of American men, but also specifically about my BFF and I.   We were young, and those were the days!

Now I dare you, snarf down that sandwich and head on outside to the front of your typical suburban office park building and count the number of women who go by in 30 minutes that could be the subject of your fantasies.  Between the low traffic, and the tendency for (both men and)  women who inhabit these places to dress down, you’ll likely fall asleep within 10 minutes.  It just isn’t an environment conducive  to girl watching.   If you want a prime example of the downfall of  “American Civilization”, this is it!

Now I know that I’m a part of the problem.  I work in a suburban office park.  I dress (way) down most of the time.  And I have a tendency to refer to people who dress up for work as “suits” (meaning all show and no substance).  I’ve become a product of my environment.  At the same time, I know I look better in a suit than in my preferred blue jeans.  So rather than just complain about the situation I have an offer to make.  If the women of America will go back to dressing to the hilt, even when working in the suburbs, I’ll do the same.  Your move.

The perils of threesomes

This is actually my third attempt to blog on this topic. Events just kept overtaking my writing. But now enough time has passed that I can write on the topic.

My lover has already done a podcast describing our actual threesome, so I won't be going into those details (much). But I do think it's an interesting topic to blog about myself, particularly the part that was a surprise. But first a little setup.

Until last week I'd never had a threesome. The opportunity hadn't come up, and it was not high enough on my adventures list for me to have arranged one on my own. However, my lover and I had discussed it a number of times and she suggested we ask her friend SexxiKennedy to join us. Last Tuesday it just happened that Kennedy was in town and we talked her into coming over to visit us. When Kennedy's car pulled up in front Silvia-Mckenzie excitedly called me over because "you have to see her get out of her car...she is so beautiful". Indeed she is. Kennedy ended up spending a couple of nights with us, and that's where you'll just have to go listen to Silvia-Mckenzie's webcast for details.

I had a great time having both my lover and her friend around for a couple of evenings. I'm sure I was the envy of every man who saw us together...after all I had two beautiful women with me. I must admit I've gotten used to all the men looking at Silvia-Mckenzie when we are in public. At first it was a little disconcerting, even though it was great for my ego (hey, they may want her but she's with ME). And I'm less surprised then I was at the beginning of our relationship when I go somewhere on my own and they remember me because I was in once with Silvia-Mckenzie. Now I wonder who will remember the guy with two hotties wandering around town last week :-)

On Wednesday morning I realized something important, probably expected, and really quite cool. I was so totally into my lover the previous night that when I'm with her other people barely exist. We spent a couple of hours dancing in a club Tuesday night and even though it was really crowded, as far as I remember no one else was even there. Even Kennedy just "vanished" from my conscious, and making that beautiful a woman invisible is something even Penn and Teller aren't up to. Angelia Jolie could have thrown herself at me and I would have ignored her (ok, BS...I would have invited her to join us for a foursome). All kidding aside, I really liked the reminder of how intense my feelings are. It is one thing to "feel" them (which I do all the time), it is another to be able to see them in action.

The threesome actually happened on Wednesday night. Once again for details you'll have to listen to Silvia-Mckenzie's podcast, but something very important solidified in my head. When two people in a relationship have a threesome with another person (and I don't care if that person is a friend, paid companion, or just someone you picked up for the purpose) the third person is just a sex toy. The threesome was about Silvia and I, Kennedy was our sex toy. I think that's a very healthy way to view things because it keeps everyone's priorities straight. And that, as it turns out, is the real purpose of this blog post.

One of the first things you'll hear about threesomes is that they are emotionally risky. How could they not be? The first time you see your lover having sex with another person should be a revelation, and if you aren't prepared for it then bad things can happen. And you can't always prepare for it. Now going into this threesome I wasn't too worried because although it was my first time Silvia-Mckenzie has had them before. So if anyone was going to have a problem it was me, and I knew I wasn't going to have a problem. Well everything went fine, and seemed fine the next morning, and then sometime Thursday afternoon Silvia-Mckenzie experienced what she describes as her "spasm". You can see it in action on her blog.

It isn't my place to say what caused Silvia-Mckenzie's "spasm", though I now understand it. What is important for anyone considering a threesome is this: If someone as emotionally mature, comfortable in their own skin, secure, and "seen it all" experienced as Silvia-Mckenzie can be thrown by something that happens during a threesome then any of us can. Do not assume that you, your partner, or the third party is completely immune from having some kind of unexpected emotional response. Human interactions are just too complex to be completely predictable.

Wow, is it August already?

Although I've intended to blog at least once per week, I almost completely ignored the blog in July. What can I say, summer is all about being outdoors and active not indoors sitting at a computer. Other than work I've really avoided the computer this summer. So while I still intend to blog at least once a week (and have already started a little piece on girl watching), expect gaps as long as it is warm and sunny out!